Mom-spiration

For Mother’s day a friend who doesn’t have children yet gave me a card and told me I was her “Mom-spiration”, that I made this mom thing look it easy. That touched my heart because boy it sure hasn’t been easy. In my first post ever (woohoo I popped my cherry) I mentioned I have been a mother for 16 years, I became someone’s mother when I was 19 years old. Becoming a mother at a young age people were judgmental. This wasn’t so much from my parents, don’t get me wrong they were pissed! A lot of the criticism came from people who have watched me grow up and were disappointed, it’s like newsflash I’m not perfect. They would say things, not directly to me of course but to others that I’ve ruined my life, you won’t be able to accomplish any thing. You are going to have to be depended on the system to take care of you and your baby. Instead of someone telling you encouraging words they tell you things that can destroy you. Make you feel like you’re a failure. To be honest whether you are 16, 25, 35, 45 it is never a walk in the park to be a mother. It is one of that hardest jobs you will ever have but it is also one of the most rewarding experiences you will have in your life if that is what you choose.

My oldest son came into my life when I needed him the most. I had no real direction of where I was going with my life. If I would’ve kept doing the stupid shit I was doing who knows if I would even be here today or be free for that matter. He came into my life right on time, I knew it wasn’t about me any more. I had this new life to take care of and I am not about to fuck up his life before he has a chance to live it. At times we struggled, at times I didn’t know how I was going to make rent and pay for his childcare. But I worked hard and never gave up, going to a traditional 4 year college really wasn’t for me, I tried but it just wasn’t my cup of tea. Instead I went to a technical college and got in to the healthcare field. I encourage people to look into trade schools. They offer a lot of great programs and for a fraction of the price of traditional colleges. I have absolutely enjoyed working in healthcare, helping take care of people is natural for me. I felt like it was one of my callings and it has provided stability for my children and myself.

Theses little humans do not come with a manual. There are like a million books on child rearing but something that works for one kid may not work for another. I have two boys and they couldn’t be more different. Sometimes you just have to wing it and hope for the best. This road hasn’t been easy we had our share of hills to climb and obstacles to overcome but damnit we’ve almost have made it. My oldest son is going into the 10th grade this year and I am so proud of the young man he is turning out to be. He has a good head on his shoulders. I can’t wait to see what great things he does in this world. Whether you became a mom in your teens or later in life and you are thinking what the fuck have I gotten my self into, it will be alright. It may not feel like it in this moment but it will get better but you have to be willing to put in the work. What your children need most is to know that they are loved, they are safe and that you are present. Eventually everything else will fall into place, there is someone else that is depending on you and they need you. Don’t give up!

“Don’t let your ice cream melt while you’re counting somebody else’s sprinkles”-unknown

As a little girl some of my favorite things to do was reading and writing. Put a book in front of me and I had no problem reading it. Now, give my children a book they think they are being punished, that was my entertainment. I would become so immersed in books, the house could be on fire and I wouldn’t know. I could imagine what the characters would look like, how they spoke, how they dressed. I could picture what the scenery was like, I get that is the point of books but I would really feel like I was taking this journey with these characters. My love of reading turned into wanting to write my own stories. Often when boredom took over I would write. I’ve never been a diary type writer not one to write down my feelings or emotions but I love to make up stories, especially about people falling in love. You know love is amazing whether it be a relationship, friendship or parenthood. We all need and deserve to love and be loved.

I have to give my parents props for introducing me to the joy of reading and writing, both of my parents were and still are avid readers. The amount of books these two own we could’ve had our own book store. I often joke (low key I’m serious) with my mom that she needs to start selling some these books. No one is trying to move boxes and boxes of heavy ass books when she dies. When it comes to writing my dad is my inspiration for my love of that. For as long as I can remember my dad was always writing, whether it is was him journaling his thoughts and feelings (he was good at that) or actually working on a book, he spent his down time writing or reading. One of my regrets for him is that he never obtain his goal of becoming a published author before he passed away.

I think a lot about my dad’s missed opportunity. That is why I am doing this now, I don’t know if I want to publish a book but I do know I miss that part of me. Even if no one reads this at least I’m doing something for me. I have been doing the whole mommy thing for 16 years. Don’t get me wrong I love every part of that, my children are absolutely the best even on the bad days. However they are getting older, they got their own things going on and don’t need me as much. It is time for me to get back to me and the things I enjoy doing the most! I am not sure where this train is going. I have so many thoughts and ideas floating around and I hope maybe somewhere I can encourage, inspire or motivate someone else with my words. I hope you take this train ride with me and enjoy!